The note
by ItsthatgurlwholovesBTR
Summary: Kendall had to watch his best friend die in front of him. Ruby had to hear the pain-filled voice of the man on the other end of the phone as he tells her that she won't be marrying the man she loves this year. What happens when they turn to each other for comfort? Can they finally accept the loss of their loved one, Logan? Or will the damage remain forever?


**Hello there!**

**Short introduction (if anyone cares)**

**My name is Mel, yes I am British so correct me if my attempt of American grammar is wrong. I'm 14, I love big time rush and writing in my spare time. I'll update as often as I can and I'm thankful to all readers.**

**Anyway, I wanna say that I do not own Big time rush, the characters from big time rush or any brands/Tv shows that may appear throughout the story.**

**Secondly, this story is rated M for adult themes, violence and mature language. You have been warned!**

**I hope you enjoy the story guys, sorry it has nothing to do with the Palmwoods or big time rush becoming a band but if I made it relevant to the show then the whole plot would seem quite ridiculous. So, leave a review to let me know your opinion, I'd really appreciate it!**

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"Logan! Stop it!" I scream in hysterics as the small brunette tackles my neck with kisses and gently pushes me to the floor with him, my legs lightly dropping to the grass beneath the both of us. "I can't." he mumbles into my skin. "You smell so good, Darlin." I giggle as I feel his soft pink lips gingerly peck the skin behind my ear.

"Get off me, creep!" I mock, pretending as though my stomach wasn't swarming with butterflies from his touch, although I'm sure he knew better. "Okay." He chuckles lightly before sitting back down next to me, his arm wrapping around my shoulder.

My heart flutters as he rests his head against the top of mine, everything about this moment is so simple yet so perfect. The way the moonlight reflects off the tiny strands of grass, emitting the glow very discreetly, but to me it was beautiful. The stars nested into the thick black blanket above us, the darkness consuming my every thought other than the man sat beside me. His leather jacket resting over my arms to keep me warm, his occasional kisses during the peaceful silence, he was so beautiful, so loving and tender, I could of stayed like this with him forever.

"Ruby?"

I look up and meet his gaze, those big brown eyes filled with nothing but love, mirroring my exact expression as I examine his features. A crooked smile, two perfectly carved dimples and delicious creamy skin, he was all mine. "Yes baby?" I whisper, cutting away from my gaze enough to register his words.

"You know, I don't think I'd still be here if I hadn't met you." he says.

My heart rate rises as I stare back at him, his eyes already forming a sheet of tears. "I-I was lost before I met you sweetheart, remember?" His words are shaky. "I was the dork, the loser and-and you were like a princess in my eyes. I used to look at you and think, "my god, she is...beautiful." And I never thought I'd have you b-but here we are."

"Oh Log-"

"Wait, let me finish. I-I want you to know...that, that if anything ever happened to you, I don't think I'd be able to manage. You're my everything Ruby. I just- promise me you'll never leave me?" He stutters, a pleading expression painted on his face, as though every inch of his being is hanging on a thread in my hands, like my reply could give him everything he'd ever wanted.

I smile gently and nod. "Why would I ever leave you huh?" I ask, tickling his chin with my index finger. He sighs in relief and kisses me tenderly, the feeling of his lips against mine never failing to feel like the first time. As he pulls away, he grins widely, his perfect teeth almost dazzling in the glow the moon is providing.

"Well, I guess I better... uh-" His sentence is cut short as he fumbles through his pockets, his once calm expression now shifting into a panicked state. I cock my eyebrow at him as he feels around his jeans, hoping to find the object he's been looking for.

"Oh my god I've lost the- oops, shit, oh god." he mumbles hysterically.

I plunge my hands into the pockets of the coat draped over my shoulders, attempting to warm my fingers slightly as I lose all interest in whatever my boyfriend is losing his mind about, when suddenly, I feel a velvet box brush the tips of my fingers. A smile slowly creeps it's way onto my lips as I grasp the object in my hand, it's small and definitely what I think it is.

As I pull it out of the pocket, revealing the tiny blue box wrapped in satin ribbon, Logan's jaw drops and the stuttering begins. "Oh crap- you weren't supposed to- Uh, I-I-I was supposed to give that to y- hmm? I mean, uh. oh god."

I giggle loudly and pass him the box, smiling widely at how pink his face was glowing form embarrassment. "You can give it to me now if you want." I whisper.

He shakes his head and finally laughs about the situation, before positioning himself on one knee with the box in two hands. My hand cups my mouth as the image finally sinks in and my heart pounds against my chest. I stand to my feet and look down at his glowing eyes, he looks happy and certain, it fills me with the same thrill as it always has.

"Ruby, I can not believe how crappy this has turned out to be. I mean, I've planned so freaking long on how perfect this is gonna be. Literally Rube, every last detail. Yet I'm still the idiot you met five years ago, and the thought never occurred to me to take the box out of the jacket before letting you borrow it." He mentally curses himself as he laughs at his own foolishness. I laugh through the tears building up in my eyes, the moment I'd been waiting to happen for so long was finally happening.

"Baby, you're literally the reason I wake up every mor- Oh my god! Ew! I think... I think I'm kneeling in rabbit poop...yes this is poop. Just fantastic." He moans.

"Oh Logan, you're so romantic." I say sarcastically, a smile still plastered on my face.

"Oh- right sorry."

I didn't care how awkwardly disastrous this was turning out to be, I didn't care that I'd never in a million years would of pictured this as my proposal, I didn't care. Because I loved him, every inch of him. Nothing could of been more perfect than the moment the man of my dreams asked to marry me, no matter what.

"Look, you know I'm not good with words. But I love you. I love every single thing about you. I always have, and I always will. You're the one Ruby. You're what every guy in the world would kill for, and I've got you. _Me. _So there's no chance in hell I'm ever letting you go. Just- Will you be my wife, gorgeous?" He finally chokes out before opening the box in his hands, revealing a silver ring. the stone only small and probably not the most valuable, but to me it was perfect.

Tears stream down my face and I nod hysterically, completely disregarding the fact that my eye make-up must be every where accept my eyes. I grab him by the collar and lift him to his feet, attacking him with kisses and hugs. He smiles brightly and lifts me in his arms, spinning me around in celebration.

After placing me back on my feet, he slips the ring onto my finger, his face lighting up as it fits perfectly. "Oh my god." I whisper breathlessly.

"You're gonna be Mrs Mitchell." He grins.

I grab both his dimpled cheeks and kiss him softly, pouring every ounce of love into one movement. His arms wrap around my waist and he pulls me closer. "I love you." he mumbles against my lips.

"I love you too."

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I stare at the floor in silence, the screaming in my mind and the wrenching pain in my heart remains unheard to the people around me, yet I'm sure they're all hearing the same thing. His voice plays like a broken record in my head. "I'll be back before you know it baby, then we can start our lives together. _I promise_." the fear and shakiness of his voice consumes every ounce of happiness that could of possibly been left behind. I shouldn't of let him go, I should of told him to stay with me and find a job out in the city. He'd still be here now, we'd be married...we'd be happy.

Another pang of absolute horror and emptiness hits my stomach as I clutch onto the arm rests of the flimsy plastic chair, pushing all my body weight downwards and causing the chair to slightly sink into the soft soiled ground. I didn't think I could cry any more, I thought that maybe my body couldn't produce any more tears, but evidently I was wrong as the salty water poured down my red cheeks. My sobs are loud and desperate, I cup my face in my hands in attempt to muffle the sound, but I can't. My whole world has come crashing down to this point. Everything I'd ever loved and cared about is about to be buried into the ground. Someone so pure and loving, taken away from the world just like that.

The ceremony of people watch me, contemplating whether or not to comfort me, but I knew it wouldn't help, they knew it too. Nothing could of possibly helped in this moment, I felt as though that hole was for me to be buried in, my life was already over, I should of just climbed in there and let them cover me with the soil, maybe then I could at least be with him.

I watch as 6 men slowly emerge from the distance, 3 on each side of the coffin. My heart is telling me to fall to my knees and scream, beg him to come back, but no sound comes out, just a silence that is impossibly more deathly than the cries of relatives and loved ones. The wooden box is covered with the American flag, the colours which used to fill me with happiness and pride only represent pain to me now. As they reach the hole in the ground, they slowly set the coffin down beside it, awaiting four other men to fumble with some ropes.

As they all stand in a row, their hands placed together and their heads tilted to the floor, I scan the features of their uniforms, exactly the same as the one Logan once wore. Badges pinned onto the chest and sleeves of a green button up jacket, their shoes polished enough to use as mirrors, and the hats which are now held in their sorrowful hands.

My stomach turns in knots and an overwhelming sadness once again strikes as the vicar opens the small bible in his hands.

Once the ceremony is over, all the tears had been dried out, the body was in the ground and everyone made there way to the bar to celebrate his life, it was only the beginning for me. As I sat here long after everyone had left, just staring into space and mumbling inaudible sentences which I'm not even sure had any meaning to them, only jumbled letters of complete despair.

I knew falling in love with someone in the military was dangerous, I knew anything could of happened after they'd called him back out, I knew the consequences... but I never thought it could happen to me. Not my Logan. I exhale deeply and stand from my chair, ignoring the sudden harsh blow of wind hitting my face. My heels dig into the dirt under the grass as I walk over to the pit in which the only man I've ever loved lies there.

As I see the flag surrounded by the brown crumbling walls, I fall to my knees and my heart gives in. No one was there to here my scream this time, no one was going to watch my punch the floor with my fists as I choke out words of hatred and and anger for the world. He wasn't going to be here to pick me up and tell me everything was going to be okay like he used to, he couldn't pull me into his embrace and calm me down. He was gone forever, and my worst nightmare had been brought to life.

"Why didn't you come back, Logan?" I whisper, tears falling rapidly from my eyes. "YOU SAID YOU WERE COMING BACK!" I cry hysterically, my head falls to the floor and I close my eyes.

"You know he would of come back to you in a heartbeat Ruby."

My head snaps backwards as I realise that I wasn't alone out here, my eyes meet a pair of green ones, there's bags underneath them, matching my own as though he'd been crying for days with sleepless nights like mine. It took a second for me to notice he was one of the men from earlier, his uniform seemingly less obvious in the dim light.

"He used to talk about you every single day. He was always so happy when you were on his mind you know that?" His voice breaks just a little bit as he bites his lip to force back the sob that's dying to escape. "Who are you?" I whisper.

"I'm Kendall, I- Logan was my friend, no- he was my best friend, actually." He mumbles.

I nod and my head falls to the floor again, almost as though I wanted to be lifeless once I closed my eyes. I feel a hand on my shoulder, it's a gentle gesture yet it feels as though someone is trying to drag me away from the only place on earth I'd ever be with my fiancé.

"Come on, let's get you home." Kendall whispers, a tear finally falling from his cheek.

I wanted to stay with Logan longer, but deep down I knew it would only make things worse. He wasn't going to magically re-appear. It was time to face the music. Time to live the rest of my life without him. But how could I? How could it even be imaginable to wake up without seeing his glowing brown eyes, going through endlessly long days of crying and desperation. I couldn't live like that. I refused to.

As I took one final look at the pit before me, I stood to my feet, and let Kendall guide me to a taxi. His face is painted with hurt and sorrow as he closes the door behind me, trying his best to give a small re-assuring smile.

When I got home, he wasn't there to greet me like he used to be, he wasn't fast asleep in bed where he should of been. He wasn't going to be here any more. It was just me from now on. Loneliness and depression were the only things he left behind. And the most haunting fact of the matter is, he didn't chose to leave. Someone took him from me, and he'd still be here if it was his choice.

I climb into bed and throw the sheets over my shaking body, the picture frame on the bedside table once again being the only thing in my vision. The smile on his face as he lifts me off my feet and looks at the camera, I wished I could go back in time to spend that moment again, even just for a few minutes. I slowly close my eyes, and out of force of habit, I mutter the words "Good night, Logan."

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